"There are mothers who give birth to babies, too good for this world of men. They touch our lives for a moment, then travel Home again." ~Unknown
Missing my sweet babe.
Can't wait to show you all a picture of Valerie. Just waiting to get the photos back. Today we got her molds from the hospital and they are perfect! Can't believe how teeny tiny her feet were. Wish i could hold her just one more time.
We have some other exciting news. Kyle got accepted into law school! He will be starting at IUPUI in August. It will be a long 4 years as he tries to balance his family, full time job, school, and hockey :) But hopefully in the end it will all be worth it. I am so thrilled that Kyle got accepted and think he will make an amazing lawyer! I love my handsome, sweet, & smart husband. We are looking forward to this summer. Kyle & his friends have been busy building a deck and a play set in our backyard! We are so excited to be able to go outside and relax on our deck and watch Lilly play :) (And do lots of laying out!!)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thank You
Just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for all of the thoughts, prayers, meals, cards, & flowers we have received. We are so blessed to have a wonderful family and great friends! I am still missing Valerie every single day. I truly just feel like something is missing. I carried Valerie for 9 months and all of sudden-she was gone. I did have plenty of time to prepare, but I didn't think about how empty I would suddenly feel. I'm sure there will always be a feeling that something is missing-no matter how much times passes.
The wonderful nurse who took care of me at the hospital called me today. When Valerie was born, they took molds of her hands & feet, and the nurse was calling to inform me that they were done and just beautiful. She also asked permission to see if she could show off the molds at a bereavement nursing conference this week. I am so happy that Valerie is already helping others! Her molds will be at a conference to teach other nurses about how to handle bereavement situations. I feel so proud of her :)
Lilly has done so well. She occasionally asks where Valerie is or if i have another baby in my tummy. She understands that Valerie lives in Heaven with Jesus. The last few nights she has wanted to sleep with her baby Jesus from her Little People Nativity set, so I'm not sure if it has anything to do with Valerie or not.
I will post a picture of Valerie soon :)
The wonderful nurse who took care of me at the hospital called me today. When Valerie was born, they took molds of her hands & feet, and the nurse was calling to inform me that they were done and just beautiful. She also asked permission to see if she could show off the molds at a bereavement nursing conference this week. I am so happy that Valerie is already helping others! Her molds will be at a conference to teach other nurses about how to handle bereavement situations. I feel so proud of her :)
Lilly has done so well. She occasionally asks where Valerie is or if i have another baby in my tummy. She understands that Valerie lives in Heaven with Jesus. The last few nights she has wanted to sleep with her baby Jesus from her Little People Nativity set, so I'm not sure if it has anything to do with Valerie or not.
I will post a picture of Valerie soon :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Valerie's Birth Story
Valerie Ann Wong was born still on May 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm. She weighed 3 lbs, 8 oz and was 16 3/4 in. long.
Last weekend I just felt something was wrong. I hadn't felt Valerie move in a couple of days, and since she is normally pretty active I knew something was wrong. I was also very emotional all weekend, so I think inside I knew she was gone. I woke up Monday morning and immediately asked my doctor to do a heartbeat check. I went in, and unfortunately I was right. They couldn't find a heartbeat. She had passed away probably on the previous thursday or friday. The last time I really felt her move was last wed. night.
We decided to start my induction around 7am yesterday. It went ok, but it was very different and much more painful than giving birth to Lilly. I think I went too long without getting an epidural. I finally got one, and I was only numb on my right side. I felt EVERYTHING on my left side. Every single contraction, the catheter, the pressure, etc... After the epidural, I was immediately ready to push, so by the time the epidural kicked in on my left side I had already given birth. If you read my birth story with Lilly, I felt absolutely nothing because of the epidural. Once Dr. Rasbach came in, Valerie was born within minutes. Even though she was breech, she came out fairly easy because she was small.
I didn't know how I would feel after Valerie was born. When we found out she had passed, we were of course very upset, but we had always known it was a possibility. It was a little surprising to think she had made it so far, just to pass away at 36 weeks. Honestly I think she knew that I needed to have her. She knew I didn't want to make the decision between a regular birth & csection with her being breech. She knew I needed to deliver at Riverview with my normal doctor instead of St. Vincents. She just knew. After she was born, I felt immediately at peace. And I've felt peaceful every since it happened. She is in Heaven and I just know my Meme is taking the best care of our baby.
Valerie was absolutely beautiful. Honestly, before she was born, I felt nervous to see her and what she might look like. But she truly was a beautiful baby. She had dark hair in the back, but blond eyebrows and tiny blond hair around her face. Her lips and nose and little ears were so cute. She ended up having six toes on each foot and six fingers on each hand. But they were so perfect. Just an extra tiny toe & finger with tiny nails. The outfit we had for her was absolutely perfect. We chose to have Valerie cremated since we really have no idea where we would all like to be buried. And we want her to be buried with us in our plot eventually.
I am feeling sad of course, but also very at peace knowing Valerie is in a better place. We can't wait to see her again in Heaven! It was a little disheartening going home with a memory box instead of a baby today, but we are ok. For now we are ok, and hopefully we will stay ok :) I'm sure i will have my moments, just like i did when i was carrying her, when all i want to do is cry for the amazing baby i lost. Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and prayers during this difficult journey in our lives.
Last weekend I just felt something was wrong. I hadn't felt Valerie move in a couple of days, and since she is normally pretty active I knew something was wrong. I was also very emotional all weekend, so I think inside I knew she was gone. I woke up Monday morning and immediately asked my doctor to do a heartbeat check. I went in, and unfortunately I was right. They couldn't find a heartbeat. She had passed away probably on the previous thursday or friday. The last time I really felt her move was last wed. night.
We decided to start my induction around 7am yesterday. It went ok, but it was very different and much more painful than giving birth to Lilly. I think I went too long without getting an epidural. I finally got one, and I was only numb on my right side. I felt EVERYTHING on my left side. Every single contraction, the catheter, the pressure, etc... After the epidural, I was immediately ready to push, so by the time the epidural kicked in on my left side I had already given birth. If you read my birth story with Lilly, I felt absolutely nothing because of the epidural. Once Dr. Rasbach came in, Valerie was born within minutes. Even though she was breech, she came out fairly easy because she was small.
I didn't know how I would feel after Valerie was born. When we found out she had passed, we were of course very upset, but we had always known it was a possibility. It was a little surprising to think she had made it so far, just to pass away at 36 weeks. Honestly I think she knew that I needed to have her. She knew I didn't want to make the decision between a regular birth & csection with her being breech. She knew I needed to deliver at Riverview with my normal doctor instead of St. Vincents. She just knew. After she was born, I felt immediately at peace. And I've felt peaceful every since it happened. She is in Heaven and I just know my Meme is taking the best care of our baby.
Valerie was absolutely beautiful. Honestly, before she was born, I felt nervous to see her and what she might look like. But she truly was a beautiful baby. She had dark hair in the back, but blond eyebrows and tiny blond hair around her face. Her lips and nose and little ears were so cute. She ended up having six toes on each foot and six fingers on each hand. But they were so perfect. Just an extra tiny toe & finger with tiny nails. The outfit we had for her was absolutely perfect. We chose to have Valerie cremated since we really have no idea where we would all like to be buried. And we want her to be buried with us in our plot eventually.
I am feeling sad of course, but also very at peace knowing Valerie is in a better place. We can't wait to see her again in Heaven! It was a little disheartening going home with a memory box instead of a baby today, but we are ok. For now we are ok, and hopefully we will stay ok :) I'm sure i will have my moments, just like i did when i was carrying her, when all i want to do is cry for the amazing baby i lost. Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and prayers during this difficult journey in our lives.
Monday, April 25, 2011
1 Month
My doctor's appointment on Friday went well. Valerie is getting bigger (thank goodness!) and is weighing in around 3 lbs, 5 oz. She still has a strong heartbeat! She is also in a breech position. Her butt is down and her head is up around my belly button. There is a chance she could still flip around, but the doc says at this point she is probably in this position to stay. The bigger she gets, the less she moves around (except for her kicking & head butting me :)). So we are praying she flips, because if not we may not have the easy & peaceful delivery we are hoping for. If I deliver her breech, there is even less of a chance that she will be born alive. She will be put under even more stress going butt-first. As of right now, we are sticking with our plan--regular delivery, no monitors on. Hopefully a c-section will not be required, although a tiny part of me wants one, so that there is a greater chance of us meeting Valerie alive!
We have decided to be induced so our family will be able to schedule off work to be there with us. We have a tentative date of May 25th--so 1 month from today. If I am not ready (cervix has to be soft), I will just push back my date until I am ready. Can't believe that 1 month from today, I could be working on delivering Valerie. Words cannot even begin to describe how I am feeling, so I won't even try. I am trying to be be strong on the outside, but am completely crumbling on the inside. I spent all of church yesterday in the bathroom crying because I just lost it. I can write about it, but just can't talk about it. That is why this blog is so helpful to me. If someone even mentions it, tears just fill my eyes. This is the hardest experience I've ever had.
Lilly had a wonderful Easter weekend! She got to color eggs, hunt for eggs, and even got 2 Easter baskets! She also got to see her cousins (Nicole, Olivia, & Logan) who kept her entertained and played outside with her for hours! Love them!! Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend!
We have decided to be induced so our family will be able to schedule off work to be there with us. We have a tentative date of May 25th--so 1 month from today. If I am not ready (cervix has to be soft), I will just push back my date until I am ready. Can't believe that 1 month from today, I could be working on delivering Valerie. Words cannot even begin to describe how I am feeling, so I won't even try. I am trying to be be strong on the outside, but am completely crumbling on the inside. I spent all of church yesterday in the bathroom crying because I just lost it. I can write about it, but just can't talk about it. That is why this blog is so helpful to me. If someone even mentions it, tears just fill my eyes. This is the hardest experience I've ever had.
Lilly had a wonderful Easter weekend! She got to color eggs, hunt for eggs, and even got 2 Easter baskets! She also got to see her cousins (Nicole, Olivia, & Logan) who kept her entertained and played outside with her for hours! Love them!! Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Well I'm about 32.5 weeks now, which just seems crazy! I have another appointment at St. V's this coming Friday. Apparently they wanted to make sure the baby made it this far before seeing me again. So we will go in for a growth scan and to make sure everyone is on the same page for a birth plan. Please pray that Valerie is still growing. I feel like I am big everywhere except my belly. In fact, we went out to dinner the other night and our waitress was 6 months pregnant. When she found out I was 8 months pregnant, she was very surprised. She said, "you are so tiny!" And yes, we looked about the same. I said that she is very small. Kyle wondered why I didn't tell her that Valerie was sick. I never tell anyone that Valerie is sick. Even at all my market day sales, i pretend that nothing is wrong. I answer everyone's questions (how far along, due date, name, etc...) with very positive answers and insist that we are so excited. Should I be doing that? I don't know, but I feel like I can't get into it all the time and it is nice pretending for a short while that everything is really fine and we are super excited.
Speaking of out to dinner, Kyle & I tried the restaurant Perkins the other night. Has anyone ever been there? It is kind of a restaurant where older people frequent quite often :) But we tried it, basically because Applebees & Chilis had a 20 minute wait and it was already 8:00! Anyway...we liked it a lot. On Wednesday's they have free kids meals & .99 pie slices!! Their pie is SO GOOD! We are going to start going every Wed.! For under $20, we got 2 adult meals, 1 kids meal, and 3 slices of pie (the waitress gave us an extra to take home).
I will update after our appointment on Friday! Please keep praying that Valerie hangs in there for another 7 weeks!
Speaking of out to dinner, Kyle & I tried the restaurant Perkins the other night. Has anyone ever been there? It is kind of a restaurant where older people frequent quite often :) But we tried it, basically because Applebees & Chilis had a 20 minute wait and it was already 8:00! Anyway...we liked it a lot. On Wednesday's they have free kids meals & .99 pie slices!! Their pie is SO GOOD! We are going to start going every Wed.! For under $20, we got 2 adult meals, 1 kids meal, and 3 slices of pie (the waitress gave us an extra to take home).
I will update after our appointment on Friday! Please keep praying that Valerie hangs in there for another 7 weeks!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Target Trip
So I thought I would take a different turn today with my blog post. Don't worry, I have a doctor's appt. on Monday, so I'm sure I will update on the baby situation then. Still crazy to believe I am almost 32 weeks. It is going way too fast! Today I wanted to write about my Target trip. Remember, I am getting back into my deal shopping :) I started slow today and only got a few things, but I got a few great things for only a few dollars!
Here is what I purchased:
Dove Men Body Wash-on clearance for $1.98
used $1 Target coupon + $1 Manufacturer coupon
=Free
Dove Deep Clean Body Wash- $3.79
used $1.50 Target coupon + $1 Manufacturer coupon
=$1.29
Rimmel Mascara- $2.99
used $2.00 Manufacturer coupon
=$0.99
Special Promotion:
2 Diet Pepsi skinny cans (pack of 4) $1.99 each
2 People Magazines $4.49 each
automatically took $6 off my total since I purchased 2 diet pepsis
used Buy 1, Get 1 free Diet Pepsi coupons
used 2 $2.00 People magazine coupons
=0.97 for 2 packs of Pepsi & 2 People magazines (will give one to my mom :))
Total purchase=$3.25 (not including tax)
Awesome price for 7 items, including: 2 body washes, mascara, 2 magazines, & 2 packs of Pepsi!!! Needless to say I will be continuing my deal shopping! Did anyone watch Extreme Couponing the other night? Awesome, but crazy! Who needs 75 boxes of pasta!! They did inspire me to start couponing at grocery stores, just not to such extremes...
Here is what I purchased:
Dove Men Body Wash-on clearance for $1.98
used $1 Target coupon + $1 Manufacturer coupon
=Free
Dove Deep Clean Body Wash- $3.79
used $1.50 Target coupon + $1 Manufacturer coupon
=$1.29
Rimmel Mascara- $2.99
used $2.00 Manufacturer coupon
=$0.99
Special Promotion:
2 Diet Pepsi skinny cans (pack of 4) $1.99 each
2 People Magazines $4.49 each
automatically took $6 off my total since I purchased 2 diet pepsis
used Buy 1, Get 1 free Diet Pepsi coupons
used 2 $2.00 People magazine coupons
=0.97 for 2 packs of Pepsi & 2 People magazines (will give one to my mom :))
Total purchase=$3.25 (not including tax)
Awesome price for 7 items, including: 2 body washes, mascara, 2 magazines, & 2 packs of Pepsi!!! Needless to say I will be continuing my deal shopping! Did anyone watch Extreme Couponing the other night? Awesome, but crazy! Who needs 75 boxes of pasta!! They did inspire me to start couponing at grocery stores, just not to such extremes...
Monday, April 4, 2011
What's happening at 30.5 weeks?!
This is something I saw on another blog and thought it was cute!
How far along: 30.5 weeks
What's up with baby: Valerie is probably just over 2 lbs and is doing well inside my belly! If only she could stay in here forever....
How I am feeling: I am pretty much feeling huge! For example, getting out of bed and out of the car make me feel like a whale. I have also started swelling! Thank goodness I had maternity pictures taken already :) My blood pressure has been high (147/?, 137/81) the past couple of nights, but today at the dr. it was very normal at 120/81.
Latest cravings: Cereal (but only at night), chocolate, Chinese food, frozen yogurt. With lilly I craved fruit constantly!! Valerie likes the yummy stuff :)
Other pregnancy symptoms I've been experiencing: Heartburn, morning sickness (at this point it is here to stay), sleepiness-i'm so tired, yet can't sleep through the night because i wake up at least 4 times a night to go to the bathroom.
Emotions: I am feeling more and more sad as this pregnancy goes on. I have good days and bad and sometimes just can't stop crying. I know my emotions are all out of whack because I am pregnant, and it doesn't help being in my situation.
Preparations: I have had maternity pictures taken and have Valerie's outfit. We have also decided what to do if Valerie passes: arrangements, etc...Still need to:
Please continue to pray for baby Valerie!!! We know her diagnosis--Trisomy 13, Tetralogy of Fallot, other heart problems, and single umbilical artery--is not good, but we are still praying for a miracle!! We know that the majority of miscarriages are because of a trisomy early on in pregnancy, which is why we know that Valerie is SO strong and wants to live!!! She has made it through 30 weeks so far. There is a reason Valerie was not a miscarriage early on, she was supposed to make it this far and we are supposed to meet her!!!!
How far along: 30.5 weeks
What's up with baby: Valerie is probably just over 2 lbs and is doing well inside my belly! If only she could stay in here forever....
How I am feeling: I am pretty much feeling huge! For example, getting out of bed and out of the car make me feel like a whale. I have also started swelling! Thank goodness I had maternity pictures taken already :) My blood pressure has been high (147/?, 137/81) the past couple of nights, but today at the dr. it was very normal at 120/81.
Latest cravings: Cereal (but only at night), chocolate, Chinese food, frozen yogurt. With lilly I craved fruit constantly!! Valerie likes the yummy stuff :)
Other pregnancy symptoms I've been experiencing: Heartburn, morning sickness (at this point it is here to stay), sleepiness-i'm so tired, yet can't sleep through the night because i wake up at least 4 times a night to go to the bathroom.
Emotions: I am feeling more and more sad as this pregnancy goes on. I have good days and bad and sometimes just can't stop crying. I know my emotions are all out of whack because I am pregnant, and it doesn't help being in my situation.
Preparations: I have had maternity pictures taken and have Valerie's outfit. We have also decided what to do if Valerie passes: arrangements, etc...Still need to:
- make appointment with our pastor to talk about baptizing Valerie as soon as she is born.
- call Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to schedule a photographer for her birth.
- pack hospital bags.
Please continue to pray for baby Valerie!!! We know her diagnosis--Trisomy 13, Tetralogy of Fallot, other heart problems, and single umbilical artery--is not good, but we are still praying for a miracle!! We know that the majority of miscarriages are because of a trisomy early on in pregnancy, which is why we know that Valerie is SO strong and wants to live!!! She has made it through 30 weeks so far. There is a reason Valerie was not a miscarriage early on, she was supposed to make it this far and we are supposed to meet her!!!!
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