Thursday, September 18, 2014
This morning I woke up in a pretty good mood, so I put my contacts in and makeup on for the first time in over a month. I was pretty proud of myself. I had a doc appt at 9:30 at the Cancer Center this morning. At the center I received fluids just to rehydrate my body and give me some energy, although this afternoon I'm exhausted, so I'm not sure it worked! I also met with one of my docs. I decided to ask a question that i've been thinking about and some people have asked. Will I ever go in to remission? The answer is sadly NO. I will live and fight with this disease my entire life. It has spread too far. Once the cancer is in your bones, it is there for life! I can use medicine to shrink it, but I will be on some sort of hormone therapy my entire life. I will also have Chemo sometime in my life, when the hormone therapy stops working. The doctor compared it to Diabetes. Diabetes 20 years ago might have a death sentence. But now people are living with it every day. That is what my Cancer will be like. I will always fight it as long as I live. I asked again (since last time I was mostly out of it) and the cancer is in my breast (which will NOT be removed because the cancer has already spread), my liver, and my bones-- a lot in my pelvis and spine, my upper leg, my shoulder, even my skull. This cancer has spread!!! To think I've been living with it for so long with no idea is crazy to me. If my hip and back would not have started hurting, I would still be walking around here with no idea of the cancer!!! Actually hopefully I would have had another mammogram by now to diagnose the breast cancer, but who knows? It went undetected for so long. If any woman is reading this PLEASE get regular mammograms and do not take NO for an answer! If you think something is wrong, there probably is. Doctors do not know everything! If I were more persistent, I would have been a year ahead on this thing and it might not have spread so much. After hearing my diagnosis again today, I cried and probably ruined my make up. I just hope I am able to live a long life with my husband and kiddos. It will be a happy day when i can pick up my Landon again. I miss my kids. Yes they are here with me. But i miss our normal life: bathtime, bedtime, even changing diapers and especially just getting on the floor and playing with them. In good news, I am trying to get my stomach back to normal. It mostly is and i can eat somewhat normally now. I am down to 120 lbs, which is like what I was when i started college. I've officially lost all my baby weight...woohoo...what a way to do it. If only I could go back to my 147lb healthy body :) Although, i'm thinking it hasn't been very healthy lately. Ok...enough complaining today. I'm still here, still alive, still breathing. Just got to keep remembering that.