Sunday, August 24, 2014

Cancer.  I seriously can't believe I have cancer.  I am 31 years old, with my only major health problem being asthma.  I don't have time to have cancer!  I have 2 small children to raise, a husband and a home to take care of.  This sucks! I promise this whole post won't be about how much this sucks, but the first part does. I need to vent.

I sleep on the recliner part of my couch because it the most like a hospital bed.  It is the easiest way for me to get up and down.  I wear a back brace almost 24 hrs a day and it itches!  I walk to and from the bathroom with a walker.  I can't get dressed or shower or do anything by myself.  A small part because it hurts too much, the largest part because we are afraid my hip will BREAK if i put too much pressure on it or if i should fall.  I have NO appetite.  I could go on and on and continue to feel sorry for myself, but i will only allow myself to do that a small part of the day.  I have to accept this hiccup in my life and move forward, but it does suck.

I have had 3 radiation treatments.  These are not so bad, but I do have to lay flat on my back for about 20 minutes, which is just awful for me right now.  I have about 3 weeks left of every day radiation treatments.  They are supposed to shrink the cancer and rebuild the bone i have lost. My cancer will never die or completely leave my body.  Too much damage has been done.  What happens now is that it shrinks with radiation and with hormone therapy.  I will take meds for the rest of my life.  When my cancer becomes immune to the treatment, I will start another treatment.  I will hopefully be able to live a pretty normal life eventually. 

We have been blessed with so many loving people praying for us, making us meals, making donations to help with medical expenses, cleaning my house, running to the store for diapers, making a pitcher of my favorite iced tea, buying me special deodorant, etc....  My high school classmates are forming a benefit for me.  For ME?!!   I feel so honored and blessed that people care so much about me.  It is wonderful to know that i am loved so much.  Especially thankful for my husband, my mom, and mother in law.  They are behind the scenes helpers.  Day to day, bathing my kids, bathing me, laundry, etc...  My husband just said this morning as he was trying to do a million things at once, "How do people do this every day with no help??!!"  Hmmm....well i used to honey, crazy isn't it :)

Saturday, August 16, 2014


I received terrible news about 3 days ago. I have cancer. Stage 4 cancer.  I guess it began years ago. A small lump in my breast that went undetected for years. I am young, i have always had dense lumpy breasts anyway. Fast forward to last October. I noticed a lump. About walnut size and very tender. I scheduled a mammogram. I had the mammogram and they found nothing! I also had an ultrasound, again nothing. The doctors was hormones, and it should go away about 6 months. Fast forward even further.  Life happened, and I didn't think too much about it. Kyle started a law internship which unfortunately didn't come with insurance. We purchased our own short term insurance with a $5000 deductible. We tried very hard not to use it!  In July, I noticed the lump had gotten even bigger, but was no longer painful. Also in July I hurt my hip and my back on two different instances.  When August came, I could barely walk. I saw my doc twice, had an xray, received 2 rounds of pain pills and muscle relaxers. Nothing worked. I finally had an MRI on Thursday. I immediately received a call to come into the docs office for my results. He showed me my back and hip and all the cancer in both. It turns out my bones were so brittle from the cancer, I almost had to have a hip replacement Thursday night. I also had developed a fracture in my back.  Hence all the pain I have been in. I immediately met with cancer doctors and started more tests to see if it has spread even more.  I had a breast biopsy and it was confirmed that the cancer most definitely started in my my breast. I also have cancer in my lymph nodes as well.  I had another MRI, and 2 more different scans.  Right now, we are waiting on results to see if it has spread further. On Tuesday I will start radiation. The goal is to grow my bones and shrink the cancer with the radiation.  Then I will start chemo or hormone therapy.  I have looooong road ahead of me. It is not good.  And it turns out my breast lump was caused by estrogen, so every time I had a birth control pill, I was feeding it.  Right now, I am in a lot of pain. I can put no pressure on my bad hip, so I have to walk with a walker.  To even lift the walker, it puts a ton of pressure on my lower back and hurts so back with every step.  I can't do anything myself and need to be sitting or laying constantly. I am really only comfortable laying.  Please please pray for me.  I am trying to be so confident that everything will be ok, but my whole life has drastically changed.  I thought after going through everything with Valerie, I had hit my quota for bad things happening in my life, but apparently not.