Just got back from the doctor to hear Valerie's heartbeat. It is SO strong and such a beautiful sound to hear! We are now going to the doctor weekly for these heartbeat checks. Please pray that Valerie's heartbeat remains strong!!
After our hard appointment last week, we have discussed all of our options and seem to have settled on a plan for Valerie's birth. We are going to have a regular vaginal delivery with no monitors on. This may change at any second....but right now, this is what we feel is right. We do want Valerie born alive, but we don't feel like the risk of a c-section is something we want. If it is in God's will that she will be born alive, she will. With or without monitors. We have decided that we want her birth to be as peaceful and easy as possible. I want to spend time with her as soon as she is born without worrying about not being able to hold her or stand up or rip stitches, etc... This is something I am having a hard time with though. If we go this route, are we not even giving her a chance??? That is why i say our decision could change at any time. The inant loss coordinator, who has helped us tremendously, said something last week that I will always remember. She said, 'these people (pointing to my stomach) will know nothing but love their entire lives.' This is SO true. She will never know anger or hurt or sadness. She will only know love. And that makes me so happy.
At church yesterday, which was appropriately about Worry, a 2-3 month old baby boy sat right in front of us. The baby was propped up against his mama's shoulder and stared at kyle and i the entire time. We would move back and forth, stand up and sit down, and sure enough this baby watched us constantly. Of course, this made me tear up. It always hurts seeing a newborn baby for obvious reasons. But kyle said something that brought even more tears to my eyes. He said, 'God is speaking to us through that baby. He is telling us do not give up. That baby is a sign'. A sign of what exactly? That we will get to hold our baby like that in a few months? That we will have other healthy children in our future? God only knows, and we will find out when the time is right.